Tuesday, February 2, 2010
A Post On Weight....
My friend sent me a text the other day... it was of a sign she saw at hobby lobby, and she thought of us when she saw it.. it read:
"There is a skinny girl inside of me screaming to get out... I can usually shut her up with cookies"
How awesome is that???? A little background on me. I was always really petite, and when I turned 13, an innocent comment from a boy down the street made me realize, maybe im not as petite as i thought!! With other huge trials going on in my life, a sick mom a sick grandma, and having to care for them, I needed some control in my life. I could control what I ate. At this time I also was getting into animal rights and activism. What better way to begin to control my weight by becoming vegetarian! It was a win-win situation! Well, as I went along in my life, at age 13 and on, my weight got lower and lower, I ate less and less, and felt pretty dang good about myself! I started getting compliments like " you are sooo skinny!" to me that was an amazing compliment! It became more and more a part of my life, this "weight" journey and by the time I was 17 I weighed about 80 lbs. I thought I looked amazing. Well, I kind of looked like a skinny lollipop, with a big head. i was in the throes of a very serious eating disorder. An eating disorder that didn't end until I got married and my dear husband said to me, you are so beautiful, no matter what weight. Then I couldn't get pregnant. The doctor said, gain about 20 lbs. I was up to about 100 lbs by then already, and I couldn't FATHOM going over the 100 mark. But I wanted a baby!! So I ate. and ate. and ate. I gained exactly 20 lbs and boom! I was pregnant! Then I got to really eat whatever I wanted because I was pregnant! Then after I had Dylan, I got pregnant again! And I ate whatever I wanted AGAIN!!! Then after Marlee was born, i lost some weight, just from chasing two babies under the age of 2 around. Then I got pregnant again. With twins. I lost one of the babies, and for awhile we didnt think that the other baby was going to make it either. So I ate. and was depressed. Then 9 months later I had a beautiful baby girl. And I ate. Then I got sick. I was diagnosed with early onset parkinsons disease, fibromyalgia and depression. The medicines helped me to walk, but also helped me to gain even more weight!!! At the last count, I am pushing over 200 lbs!!!! YOWZA!!!! So.... I decided that I was going to get moving more, eat clean and better, and be a good example to my kids. But I have to tell you, I have lived my life in fear almost, that someone was going to "see" me in this condition, ya know. FAT.
When my friend sent me that text and I saw that sign I laughed. Hard. I then realized that I wasnt the only person in this entire world who was overweight. So I then decided that I was going to let people see me. I was going to stop living like a little hermit and get out and be ME!!!! Me is a fun person you see. I am loud and giggly and energetic and fun!!!! Of course, I havent been that person lately. I have been living my life worried about what others would think of me. So.. I am going to exercise, eat awesome, and be healthy. If I lose weight awesome! But Im not going to let it become who I am . Im going to be me. But hopefully a healthier me. I wanted to write this post, so that everyone knew, yup, im fat. But im also super fun!!! So to all the girls out there who are feeling down about your weight, dont. Remember you are not the only one and Heavenly Father loves you no matter what! Be healthy with me!!! Im going to start keeping a blog about what I eat, how i move my body each day and most importantly, how i FEEL!!!! If you wanna come along for the ride, let me know!!! :) With Love, Jaelle